When Social Norms Dictate Morality

I attended a bridal shower for a good friend from law school this weekend in Atlanta. At the shower, I walked into (and soon thereafter walked away from) a troubling conversation between some ladies in attendance at the shower (not my friends I'm happy to report). The ladies were commenting about how they "refuse to judge" other couples' marriages because "you just don't know what's going on behind closed doors." While I agree with the ladies that judging others is inappropriate, I couldn't disagree more with everything else that came out of their mouths. It bothered me so much that I left the room mid-conversation and even discussed it with my girlfriends once we got back to the condo after the shower. Though I can't entirely replicate the conversation, nor can I adequately describe how uncomfortable I was even hearing what they were saying, I feel compelled to share the jist of the conversation with you.

The girls were commenting about how in more than half of all marriages, at least one of the spouses are involved in an extra-marital affair. (I have no idea if that is an accurate statistic, but I wouldn't be surprised either way.) The girls were not discussing it in a negative way. Rather, they spoke of the situation as if the fact that it had become "normal" somehow rendered it "acceptable." It was as if they were justifying past behavior, current behavior, or future behavior either in themselves or in other couples they knew. Just one more example of how social norms dictate morality rather than the other way around. It reminded me of God's destruction of the city of Sodom in Genesis. It reminded me of the uphill battle that I have as one half of a partnership in 2008.

I am not too naive to realize that marriage is not always peachy. I've been married long enough (nearly 7 years) to know that it has its own unique challenges. But I also know that it's a battle worth fighting. I know that if done well, marriage is truly one of God's best blessings. I know that Jeremy and I will NEVER sit idly and let our relationship deteriorate. I know that my marriage progressively improves because Jeremy and I both are committed to putting each other first. And I know that every relationship challenge that we have faced has been a direct result of our failure to do that. Each day brings its own new challenges, but with every challenge is an opportunity to thrive. And unlike the conversation that I walked into yesterday, that's worth celebrating!